About Me
In a Nutshell
I’ve been working as a yoga teacher since 2019. I studied law and finished my degree. Afterwards, I worked in the legal field for a little while, but even as a student I realised that this profession (as interesting as I still find it) would never fulfil me. After I passed the second German state examination for lawyers, I trained as a mediator. I completed further training courses in various fields along the way. By now I am a qualified yoga teacher, Ayurvedic nutritionist, sound meditation teacher, lomilomi massage therapist as well as Theta Healing professional to name just a few.
I live and enjoy life to the fullest. I love creating happy places for myself and healthy, delicious food. I like to cook, laugh, dance and sing. Whether it’s karaoke on a stage, around a campfire, at Kirtan circles or during my own embodiment practice.
My Childhood
Let’s start at the very beginning. I grew up as an only child with what you could call relatively old parents. My mother was 42 when I was born and my father 43. He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s a few years prior to my birth. In 2019 my father passed away. I was just 30 at the time. He had lived with the disease for almost 40 years. His condition was always the elephant in the room and my parents kept telling me: “We’re quite old already. We want you to be independent as soon as possible – in case something happens to us and we’re not around anymore.” Other people would tell me: “Your parents are old. You can’t change them anymore. You have to accept them for who they are.”
It wasn’t easy for me as a child. I was terrified of ending up all alone in this world. I moved out from home, started my law degree and experienced all the ups and downs that came with it. Mostly downs I have to say. I was in several relationships. During those years I learned a lot about myself. Right before passing the second German state examination in law, my father died. My relationship with my mother had been difficult before already and deteriorated to a point until I didn’t know anymore what to do. I often despaired over what to do.
After 30 years, I finally realised that my mother was showing signs of a narcissistic personality. It suddenly clicked. I knew immediately that there was no going back. I did some research and considered cutting ties with her entirely. But I just wasn’t sure how to do it. I did not want to hurt her. I had doubts if my “sources” (podcasts, books, online articles and Instagram posts), my “diagnosis”/observation and the conclusion at which I arrived were legitimate. I’ve always hated it when people play fast and loose with medical diagnoses and pathologise others. I didn’t want to be that kind of person.
Today, I see things in a slightly different light even though I still struggle to talk about it sometimes. I don’t want to use the term here in a pathologizing or judgmental way, but purely descriptively. My mother provided me with so much during my childhood and teenage years. In some areas however, she wasn’t able to meet my needs.
It wasn’t always easy for me to accept that. I fought so hard, argued, explained and made constant efforts, I invested time and gifts to show my mother that I loved her, that she was important to me and that she can count on me. However, none of my efforts helped to improve our relationship. My head knew that I was a “good daughter”, but I didn’t feel like it.
My Tools
Through Plant medicine, Theta Healing, my Somatic Experience Therapy, Breathwork, Vocal Embodiment, Contact Improvisation and a whole lot of self-reflection I was able to work through many layers of old pain and became able to slowly put together old and new pieces of the puzzle back together.
Today I know that she was trying her best. I can look back on many happy childhood memories. Like dancing ballet for 14 years or joining the Scouts. I took various dancing lessons with my friends and drank myself silly at parties. I kissed, danced, played pranks and often spent what felt like entire summers in open-air swimming pools after school (whenever I didn’t have ballet lessons). So yes, what can I say, I was lucky. Lucky to enjoy going to school. To have a lot of friends and people who were dear to me, who supported me along the way.
Nevertheless, there was that one issue I was never able solve for all those years: the relationship to my mother. I don’t want to go into any further detail. This is not the right place to do so. But it did have an impact on me and my life like nothing else.
It motivated me to go out into the world. To search for answers and the purpose of life. It pushed me to work on myself. Primarily because I thought I could repair our relationship if I had myself more under control if I communicated as mindfully and correctly as I could and avoided any arguments. Sadly, nothing worked. Instead, I felt like I was the only one making an effort. I tried and tried until I didn’t have anything left to give. Until I was completely exhausted, mentally and physically. I reached a point where I couldn’t justify doing that to myself any longer.
I had to accept that I was not able to create a healthy relationship with my mother, At least not alone and not at that moment in time. I came to the bitter understanding that it might never be possible for us to have a healthy relationship if only one person is willing to work on themselves. I learned that there are things that I cannot change, not right away anyway. At the same time, I made peace with my past because it shaped me into the person I am today. I am proud I mastered the roller coaster ride that life can be.
It was a huge relief for me to be able to label my mother’s behaviour as “narcissistic”. I finally allowed myself to stop trying to make it work, to “save” our relationship. I was able to stop fighting for her understanding. Letting go of that hope, to have a loving, respectful and healthy relationship with her was hard but necessary.
Of course it was really sad. In a way, it felt so final, harsh and hopeless. Yet there was also this feeling of relief that came with it. Time after time, people told me to have sympathy for my mother. I often doubted my own perception and feelings. And then, finally, I gave myself permission to do what had felt right all those years along but what I hadn’t dared to say out loud.
To radically distance myself from my mother.
It was a rocky road. The support from friends, family, therapists and teachers helped me to get where I am today. They helped me get to where I am today. I learned and understood so much on this path. And I want to give some of that back to you, because I know how valuable my insights and experiences are.
My goal is not to hand you a diagnosis, to play the blame game or judge anyone. My goal is to be by your side while you learn how to make peace with yourself.
My goal is to provide you with the right tools for you to hold space for yourself. No matter the situation you’re in or what you’re feeling during this process.
My goal is for you to build a deeper connection to yourself.
My goal is to encourage you to believe in yourself again to trust your own emotions, your instincts and your intuition.
My goal is for you to accept yourself the way you are. With all your rough edges and “flaws”. With all your strengths and weaknesses. With everything that makes you special. I want you to rediscover your value, just as much as the value of everyone else around you.
My goal is to help you to see the bigger picture. I want to enable you to find the answers you need to understand how everything is interconnected within yourself. Because this is what helped me to create an even deeper sense of trust and faith within myself. My head needed certain information to understand that the feelings my heart perceives are valid and even make sense.
I’m looking forward to meeting you and hopefully supporting you on your journey.
My Path
As a mentor, I wish to accompany people on their journey. Especially in difficult times, when the journey feels challenging or even overwhelming.
My Motivation
I want to help people. I want to accompany people on their journey to spirituality. Why? Because I know how hard and exhausting it can be to walk this road alone. In the end, we all have to find our way through life (this life and all future lives) on our own. But we can also walk this path or at least parts of it together with other people who support us or even surround us with a community in which everyone supports another. Or we can become a part of a supportive community. It’s alright to ask for help. Living and learning can be easy. We’re free to decide how to walk this road, for how long, at what pace and who we want to take with us.
I was an only child. My father suffered from Parkinson’s and my mother is a narcissist which meant I had to deal with large parts of my journey through life on my own. At the same time, I was always surrounded by people who gave me stability and reminded me of my value.
Already early in my life I was tormented by this difficult question of why am I here? What’s the reason for my existence?
My Goal
My goal is to support you in finding your path. I will be a mirror for you, to help you feel your emotions and understand their context. I want you to feel that you’re not alone in all of this. You will have to do the actual walking yourself, of course, but I can accompany you for a little while. I can provide you with water or offer you my hand for support when the path gets too rocky and you lose your balance. On this path, we can laugh together and have fun, we can tell each other stories and jokes. You will see, time will fly by! However, we will also stop every once in a while and take in what’s around us and appreciate how far we’ve already come.
(…) I want to enable you, to have this experience for yourself. To feel that you can show up for yourself and that you’re able to hold you in whatever might come up. Sometimes showing up for yourself means communicating your needs and seeking help. So that you don’t have to walk this road alone, all disheartened and worn out, but with lightness and joy – and someone who supports you by your side.
My Approach
My goal is to support you in finding your path. I have a dance background, that’s where my roots are. At the age of four, I started dancing ballet. Later on, I also tried out jazz dance, show ballet, hip hop, rock’n’roll as well as standard dance and pointe. I stopped dancing when I was 18. The training took too much time and I was preparing for my final high school exams. When I was in university, I discovered yoga. In 2019, I started my first yoga teacher training. By now I have completed several different teacher trainings. My heart belongs to Anusara yoga, but I also love Kundalini. A variety of disciplines have influenced me and I work with an array of tools such as Vinyasa, Fascia yoga, Somatic Experiencing, Contact Improvisation, sound meditation, Vocal Embodiment, Theta Healing, Breathwork, knowledge of the nervous system, Tantra and shamanism to name just a few. Moreover, I trained as a mediator and Ayurvedic nutritionist. My training as a lomilomi massage therapist as well as discovering the world of Hawaiian shamanism also had a deep, healing impact on me.
I combine all of these tools in an intuitive approach which I tailor to my clients’ needs.
AIKYAM
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